Things Pandemonium's Bane are not allowed to do
(An ongoing saga, to be updated regularly (hopefully). These are technically the rules of Pandemonium's Bane, but they have to be restrictive, in order to fall in line with the members' free-spirited nature. (And that's putting it kindly.)) (Also, I recommend listening to this while reading them:) THINGS PANDEMONIUM'S BANE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DO: # Start a new religion for the express purpose of taking a vow of silence # Drink milk from the carton #* A disGUSting habit # Punch and break the coffee machine (even if it burns one's hand) # Refer to Commander Abernathy as "mum" # Refer to Deputy Farrand as "mum" # Wear any of the following during a Nexus Force inspection: #* Deerstalkers #* 3-D glasses #* Any number of rubber chickens around one's neck #* A stick of celery #* Cosplay #* One's birthday suit # Use rice as a tool for fixing electronics (specifically Agent MX) # Dye people's hair any colour without their permission # Create a new position of authority, "Supah Meistro", and insist that the Supah Meistro outranks every other member of the organisation # Appoint Deputy Eluciss as the Supah Meistro # Threaten co-workers with death if they refuse to admit that “Who Killed Captain Alex?” is the best movie in the history of anything ever # Erect a throne and host a coronation for Commander Abernathy # Use violence outside missions and training (and the mosh pit) # Take pictures of co-workers without their permission # Refer to the rock that props open Agent Hargrove's door as "Dwayne Johnson" # Forge letters from Commander Abernathy to Commander Wilder, expressing a deep admiration for his fashion sense #* Even if he knows that they aren't real # Glue a beret to Cat Jason's head # Glue a stetson to Deputy Farrand's head # Take images of Cat Jason and Deputy Farrand with hads glued on their heads whilst proclaiming them to be "Jason and Jacen, hat enthusiasts extraordinaire" # Spend an entire day saying nothing except for Statler and Waldorf quotes # Use a razor scooter on a treadmill # Disturb co-workers with pictures of cats # Throw the coffee machine out a window if it catches fire # Challenge Commander Abernathy to a duel #* She will win # Stack items on top of people while they are asleep in the common room # Abandon co-workers during supply runs # Insist that “dohboggelytoff” is a word # Replace the songs on everyone’s iPods with Crash Bandicoot “whoa” remixes # React to catching agents in promiscuous positions in any of the following ways: #* Wolf-whistling #* Asking to join in #* Taking a picture #* Taking multiple pictures #* Laughing #* Saying anything containing the phrase “swiggety swooty” # Refer to the printer as “Bob Marley” (even if it “jams more than it prints”) # Put two chairs together and sleep on them # Arrive “fashionably late” # Bop people on the head with empty wrapping tubes # Wear a hat wider than ten inches while watching a movie in the common room # Dare anyone to do anything (you will be held equally accountable for the consequences) #* Games of truth or dare are the exception to this rule # Use any of the following as excuses: #* “For science” #* “name dared me to do it” #* “For the vine” #* “YOLO” #* “SOCKS” # Let Commander Abernathy even attempt to cook # Throw impromptu dance parties # Refer to Agent Veil as “Gaia’s mistress” # Give children swords Category:Short Stories Category:Stories